Battle Royal

Wonder of Wonders: Florida Legislature Outlaws Lying

http://www.sptimes.com/2007/04/27/State/Legislators_take_a_st.shtml

Things have gotten downright bizarre here in Florida; first the SFWMD turned the tap off the Everglades, and now the FLorida Legislature has passed a bill to , get this, "requires that lawmakers, their staff and lobbyists take an oath whenever they go before a House or Senate committee, and it subjects them to felony perjury charges if they lie."

The kicker is that it took 15 minutes of vigorous debate before the vote and three Senators voted nay.

One is Senator Gary Siplin of Orlando, a convicted felon (grand theft).
One is Senator Mandy Dawson of FT Lauderdale, who plead out to perscription drug fraud.
The final musketeer is Sen Al Lawson who declared "This is the biggest conspiracy that I have ever seen," he said. "Why would you suggest a member is not telling the truth? Sen. Villalobos is trying to hold us up to the same standards as lobbyists."

I have to go fishing now

Things we like - Part 2

Old barns and buildings. Especially if a farm pond or creek is nearby. There's something so very comfortin' as the sun risin' or settin' on one of these symbols of the past.

Note: yes, I did train my dog to pretend he was a cow for the pic. I didn't, however, train him to eat goose schiatt later that day.

Suburban Subversion

There are few joys to be found when living in a brand new subdivision. Instead of the organic home grown feel of an established neighborhood, one is left with the gnawing sense that a Disneyland Imagineer decided to design a neighborhood that would be glistening, new, and as inviting as Wonderbread. One of the upsides to the Development is that the builders know people like to live near water and so they are usually centered on a pond or have them scattered throughout the neighborhood.

In addition to the ponds, the builders are also keen to institute the extra-legal Homeowners Association and the rules that the Association enforces, usually everything from paint color, dog breeds allowed and, most important to me, if fishing is allowed in the ponds. Usually it isn’t, but that has never held me back. The key to good subdivision fishing is never let The Man keep you down. God didn’t grant you two legs and two arms solely to squander their use keeping grass at the prescribed height of 1-3/8 inches. Go out and subvert conformity with a 3 weight.

I usually start the day in the truck, cruising the side roads and thoroughfares of the suburbs looking for water. Retention ponds, creeks, drainage canals are my targets. I tend to pack light for these trips- fly box, water bottle, rod and reel. You may need to get out of Dodge with a quickness and running in waders and a vest is never easy or fast. Old running shoes that the dog has used for a teething ring are my preferred footwear. Most of these ponds have healthy bluegill populations and the occasional bucket mouth, so having box upon box of flies just isn’t necessary. This is pared down, ultra-light fishing with a handful of poppers, otherwise known as Alabama Dry Flies, wooly buggers and some streamers. Delicate tippets aren’t necessary and some level 10lb Stren works just fine, no matter what the purist may say.

Subdivision fishing is many things, but one thing it isn’t is wake up at 3 am type fishing. It’s a leisurely pursuit, best undertaken on a lazy Sunday after a few cups coffee and a nooner with the wife. I’ll usually rig up at home, keep the 4 piece in two sections for fast assembly and have a popper tied on before I get to the pond. I’ll pull up to the pond, take a pull from the traveler mug and reconnect the rod sections before heading down to the water’s edge.

As far as access goes, I wouldn’t trespass, heavens no. However, I feel no compunction about slipping through the backyard of an unoccupied home or using the easement from a playground to get down to the water. I like to take a nice amble because there is no rush and to scout out any crazies in their backyards. If a guy is cutting his grass with scissors, rest assured, he will call the cops if he sees you before you see him. Once the way is clear, I’ll walk the bank, looking for bluegills flashing in the tea stained water, or look for some fish attracting reeds that have grown up. If there are bluegills around, you will know it within about 5 casts because they are not shy and are voracious predators that their size belies.

I can think of few fish as fun as bluegill. Brookies are sublime, steelhead glorious and tarpon are sadistic in the beating they give, but no fish approaches pure joy as much as a bluegill. I challenge anyone to watch a sub-pound gill crash a popper and not smile, laugh or whoop. For the headhunter, a half hour of bluegill chasing on a pond will bring as many strikes as a day on a trout stream or a lifetime chasing steelhead on the ‘Chutes. Plus they are quite tasty grilled in foil with lemon, butter and rosemary.

In fact, catching gills can be so effortless at times, that true excitement comes from an HOA member chasing you off. Usually it begins with an SUV loaded with car seats parked on the road with a rather high-strung middle aged woman behind the wheel, watching you. Her name is invariably Victoria, Diane or Stephanie. She will proceed to dismount the Suburban or H2 like a Paladin of old, dressed in her uniform of Banana Republic khakis and black shirt. She will approach you with trepidation, as if you are the personification of a barbarian at the gate, one who dares violate the sanctified rules of the HOA. She will politely, yet firmly inform you that fishing isn’t allowed in this community, insurance liability and all, and she will kindly ask you to leave. I like to feign surprise, an “Oh, really? I had no idea” while leaning on the “No Fishing” sign. The assumption is then made that I am a poor illiterate and she begins to speak loudly and slowly so that I can understand. I then give a tip of the hat and walk up to the truck and start for the next pond.

The true fun is when her husband gets out of his BMW yelling and running at you. I can think of no better fountain of youth than running from an angry middle manager, because at that moment I am 14 and have been caught while pool hopping on a summer night. In an adrenaline filled, laughing glee I break like a whitetail for the vehicle and speed away, adrenaline pumping, laughing and grinning that an act so simple and innocent as fishing for bluegill on a pond made a responsible pillar of the community become completely unhinged.

Tommy Boy

The turkeys didn't cooperate last weekend. We couldn't get the toms to move, they wanted room service. There's two weeks left. Maybe they'll be super horny next weekend. I loves me some turkey hunting.

Things we like - Part 1

Grapico. I grew up on the stuff. Think a cross between your favorite cough sryup as a kid and a Jolt cola. I would recommend only drinking 8-12 oz., the stuff is just so damn sweet. But yes, it still kicks it.

Vinny

Ulyssess and I will be busy over the next week or two getting a charity auction blog operational.

Please be sure to visit http://v-bay.blogspot.com/.

We are going to put up for auction fishing gear, flies, and other fishing goodness from a ton of people. The reason? We're( not just Ulysses and myself, like 50 cool as hayull folks) doing this to raise money to help a buddy of ours, Brian Warden, give the best care possible to his son. See his son, Vinny, has a extremely rare neurological disorder called Canavan Disease. The money raised will go directly to Brian's family or to help find a cure. Please be sure to stop by in the next couple of weeks and bid on some items. If you're interested in donating for the auction, please feel free to contact Ulyssess or myself.

See also: http://www.vincentshope.org/

Bringin' it to a close

Take a Nip

Being that it's International Fish Camp Week and all, we here at The Water Swatters feel like no fish camp, campfire, or vest/chestpack should be without a FLASK. The FLASK has been around for a long time, like eleventy billion years. It's simple. It's beautiful. And it serves a purpose. Nothing warms the soul like passing around a FLASK when it's 19 degrees out(that Fahrenheit to our readers) and the fire just ain't cutting it.

Got this baby in Russia some 14 years ago. Will hold a handle of booze. Gave it to my brother where it probably sits in his home, neglected. May have to get this one back.

I prefer to fill mine with a bourbon, preferably Maker's. I had a few friends send me pictures of their FLASKS. We analyzed and think they communicate a lot about their owners. Let's have a look...

Survey Says....I like to drink and hike. No need for that extra three ounces of weight in the old pack.

Survey Says.....I mean bidness. Very serious and committed. We like.

Survey Says.....A very happy drunk. You want to get tanked? Hang out with this guy.

Survey Says....Have you seen my Orvis dogbed catalog? It was right beside the Pottery Barn catalog?

Props for Tito's Vodka

http://www.titos-vodka.com/

Survey Says...we'd fish with this guy.

Survey says.....and these two also.

Survey says.....pass the thermos Gramps.

Green Jackets

We all go through phases. I've had two golf phases. One was when I was a teenager and all my buddies played golf to get out of the house and sip on barley pops. It was what we did for about two years along with working as "cart boys" at two courses. The other was when I was fresh out of drinking school(college) and my coworkers and I would go play after work and weekends. Then I joined a club for almost a year. Just damn....

Ike's Pond at Augusta National.....popping bug CENTRAL

Fishing never left my life during those dark phases. You could say it saved me. I found myself gazing at creeks and ponds while playing, wondering if the fishin' was any good. I would sometimes lose it, forget I was playing against a little white ball, and my foursome would yell urging me to continue. I've stared at water at the TPC Sawgrass, a US Open, a few PGA and Old Codger PGA events, and several Masters.

If CBS hasn't reminded you enough, it's Masters week. I hold a soft spot in my heart for this tournament because of it's Southern roots. It's a beautiful, surreal place. I've often wondered how good the fishing is on 16 or does Rae's Creek hold copious amounts of long-eared sunfish. I have heard the ponds around the Par 3 course are incredible. It's really the only golf I will watch all year. I can remember standing outside the clubhouse watching members and guests sipping Mint Juleps behind the ropes and wanting so desperately to join them. Conversations about small cap funds, timeshares on yachts, and the problems of trying to hire good help surely must echo this very day amongst the live oaks. Count me out. I would rather talk to folks at the boat ramp or flyshop. Conversations would consist of water release schedules for the local tailwater, if the bass are on bed, and where to get a boat anchor fabricated. I'm not bitter or jealous....I just see things with clarity now.

Is that a bass?

Sunday will be Easter. It will also hosts the final round of The Masters and the champion will don a green sport coat. I plan on watching the final round while I sip on a few barley pops with some buddies of mine. But before all that happens, I will get up real early and head to the river in hopes of hooking a stripe bass or two. That's when I feel closest to The Maker. I'll talk to him, tell him how much I appreciate the very thing I'll be waist deep in....the forecast calls for unseasonably cool weather....high of 57 and a low 38, so it looks like I'll be wearing my fishing jacket that day. Which happens to be green.

End Times are Near: Florida Government Grows a Backbone

http://cbs4.com/topstories/local_story_094102545.html

In a state where government regulators leap with such dexterity between incestuous sheets into the arms of waiting Developers, the South Florida Water Management Agency actually turned the faucet off and declared the Everglades off limits as a water source for new development in Miami-Dade, Broward and Monroe Counties. What's next in my fair state- unbotched elections? sensible growth management? a halt on developing a vulnerable coast line? mass transit? The sky is the limit for common sense apparently.

In a related story, Developers around the state have fired their bagmen for apparently not making prompt deliveries to Tallahassee and the Hispanic Builder's Association of Miami have declared Charlie Crist (Gov-R) a Castro Agent and demanded that Old Jeb be put back in office.

Southern Steel?

It's spring. Azaleas are blooming round these parts. This also means Southern steelhead are running. Steelhead? In the Deep South? Whaaa? We got em....stripe, hybrid, and white bass. They run up the creeks and rivers(we ain't got no tribs down here, boy) this time of year so they can get their freak on. I heard it was on last week. 20+ days were common. I went to [insert Indian named creek here] after work. Skunkage. Saw a few but I might have missed the run. I'll go back Thursday and probably Sunday morning. Turkeys will get my attention Saturday. I always wondered why so many folks get skunked steelheadin'. Anyway, it was good to be on the trib today.

Capr Camp Cook Confidential

Being that this is Fish Camp Week and word has it that Fly Times is the “go to” fish camp cook in the West Seattle area. We've heard apocryphal tales coming out of the PNW for a while now, and then something reached the cabin that was glorious and righteous. Fly Times had created the bacon wrapped cinnamon roll. We flew a correspondent out to get the Old Timey Story.

1. How did this stroke of genius come up? It happened in camp on the Big Blackfoot. I was walking one way with tray of cinnamon rolls and my buddy Chet was walking the other way with a slab of bacon. We accidentally ran into each other and my cinnamon rolls got mixed up with his slab of bacon. "You got cinnamon rolls on my bacon!" "You got bacon on my cinnamon rolls!" That's when the light bulb went on. I thought to myself, "what if I warm up these cinnamon rolls on the griddle in a quarter inch or so of bacon grease?" So that's what I did. What if indeed, those were the best cinnamon roles ever?

2. Are they supermarket cinnamon rolls, bakery or homemade by Mrs. Fly Times? I use supermarket cinnamon rolls though I suppose any sort of cinnamon roll would work with the bacon grease masking any sort of imperfection in the roll.

3. What kind of griddle do you prefer? For the last few years I was using a Teflon coated aluminum griddle that fits on the top of my Weber Gas Go-Anywhere Portable Grill. Now I use a stainless steel griddle because that Teflon crap never lasts very long and it gives you cancer or something.

4. Real Bacon or Canadian? Thick sliced pepper bacon which I make from scratch. It's old family recipe, you take some slices of thick sliced bacon and put lots of pepper on 'em.

5. Does the topping go on over the roll or over the bacon? It seems that you've been misinformed; it's like chicken fried steak except that it’s a bacon fried cinnamon roll, there's no bacon on the roll.

6. What’s next at the campsite for WT? What other glorious ideas are stirring? Something with Krusteaz biscuit mix and a can of sweetened condensed milk. First you put a can of sweetened condensed milk into a simmering pot of water and boil it for 2 or 3 hours. Then you cook up some biscuits on the griddle. After the can of milk has cooled for a little while you punch some holes in it and pour the contents on your biscuits. What you gonna get is camp pastries covered in camp Dulce de leche. Old timey campy goodness! –


9 Random Questions

1. Coleman 2 Burner Stove? Century 2 burner stove, flame length is more adjustable than the Coleman.

2. Carp? Carp season around here starts in June and goes to September when the trout fishing gets good again. I like to fish for capr on the flats, standing in ankle deep water and casting carp that are tailing in knee deep water. Around here we call 'em carp, capr, basalt bonefish, desert drum, and Greater Inland Golden Northwest Tarpon.

3. Camp Chairs? Camp Chair for sure, I like the kind that collapses sorta like an accordion and has a cup holder. It's gotta have a built in cup holder to put your beer in. I hope that they invent one with two cup holders someday; I'd invest money in the company that gets the two cup holder camp chair to market first. Two is better than one.

4. PBR or Coors? PBR, Coors is like rednecked hippies, we should have left them both in the 70's
5. Gold Bond, essential or extra? Zeasorb AF, Gold Bond is more of a Southern thing like headache powders and cutting the light on or off. You'll find three other strictures in my camp kitchen; Pepto, Ibuprofen and benedryl.

6. Cookie Monster Jacket? No Cookie Monster Jacket for me but Trouthole has 3 or 4 of them. He used to be a lounge singer in Reno and Patagonia's got an outlet store there.

7. Is Trouthole from this planet? Trouthole is from this planet, he's a Polach.

(editor- we had to send Trouthole 50 lbs of kielbasa, as a royalty, for using his name )

8. KOA- Good deal or one step below a trailer park? KOA is a bad deal most of the time. It's good to pull in there and take a shower when you’re between camps but other than that I stay away from the KOA's.

9. Drunken raccoons? Drunken Raccoons? I missed that one. We do have hungry coyotes around here though, they love chicken bones. Thanks dudes; that was a good time.

Hey, who’s hungry?

Exclusive- The Smithhammer Interview

We contacted the wily and elusive Smithhammer of Drake fame (or infamy) for his thoughts on fish camps. A very cold passenger pidgeon landed at the Water Swatter camp and dropped off the transcript:

1. In your opinion, what makes a good fish camp? Proximity to water. More fish than people. Public campgrounds can be nice, but my favorite fish camps are up some hardly -used forest service road where you pull off on some little spur that heads down to the water and no one else around. Free camping is always a bonus.

2. If you had to choose between base camping, going vehicle supported, or backpacking in which would you prefer?
Backpacking in. Getting to more remote water that requires hiking is always sweeter.

3. Is good food/ a good cook key or is it dependent on the fishing? i.e. can good food make up for getting skunked or can good fishing make up for onion and peanut butter snadwhiches?
I dig cooking and eating well in the outdoors. Probably even more so than when I'm at home. But I'll never turn my nose up at snadwich artistry.

4. KOA- Decent digs or one step below a trailer court?
That'd be door #2, Bob.

5. What's your favorite fish camp libation?
Bourbon. In fact, Evan Williams Vintage 10 year, thank you very much.

6. In a related question, what's your favorite fish camp hangover cure?
Coffee and fishing, in that order. And if you're near a real Mexican restaurant, a big steaming bowl of menudo with all the fixin's.

10 Random Questions
1. Yakima Roof Box? Essential. Great loft with a view.
2. What's an acceptable amount of abuse for a rental 4x4? Any and all.
3. The Spring Ridge Club or The Peoples' Trout? Das People, Komrade.
4. Artistic Anodized? Uhh, sure.
5. Winter time Peterborough? Tying lots of flies, walking my Kat and dog. Drinking maybe a wee too much
6. Hotspotting or going fishing on a rumor? Hotspotting should be met with hot lead, tar and feathers. Do yer own homework, son.
7. Red Shirt or earth tones? Earth tones, baby. And camo face paint.
8. Bio Diesel or Ethanol? Bio. Ethanol is a sham foisted on us my corn agri-business and the petroleum industry to keep us consuming just as much, but feeling ignorantly eco-groovy about it.
9. Tent or hut - I'll take whatever I can get.
10. Drunken Raccoons? As long as they bring their own.

That as they say is a wrap.

Announcing Fish Camp Week

We're kicking off fish camp week round here. And while we're pulling together our exclusive interviews, we're interested in what makes a good fish camp, so what the hey, open thread in the comments.

P.S. The Spring Ridge Club or any Donny Beaver enterprise does not count as a fish camp. And we'd like to thank Befuddled for the photo